I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the condom got lost in my hair
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
