so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
