no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Damn victory sex feels great
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