Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So vagazzling was a success
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
