She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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