Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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