Already got asked if we're dating
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
