i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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