I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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