I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
