I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
