we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
