Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
