I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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