and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
