Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
