Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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