I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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