I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
