Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
