I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
