R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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