He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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