Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
