a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
