Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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