I feel like abortions should bother me more
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
