Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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