She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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