i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
