i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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