Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
