We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
