Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
