He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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