Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
