you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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