Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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