My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Houston, we have a squirter
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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