He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
