every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
