i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
