have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
