the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
