No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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