Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
