i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm too high and old for this...
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