'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
