im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Houston, we have a blender
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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