Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.