i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come