I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
