i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.