I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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