just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You left your phone here
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