The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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