Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
