and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
