I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
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It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize