I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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