People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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