its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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