You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
worst night to have a conscience
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's official drugs can't kill me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
