pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
