sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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