You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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