Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
