You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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