Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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